It's the day after Christmas. The sun is shining brightly. It enters my body and touches my soul to heal and strengthen. Our Savior is born! A day old is He, in memory. What it must have been like for Mary and Joseph. We are given no details, but having had 3 children and remembering the birth of my first child Chrissy, there was wonder and awe and much to be attended to from the busy outside world to the inner sanctum of personel self and family. A new life, a new beginning, yet carrying on with the day to day. Newness begins to wear off and become part of the norm and the days continue on then there is the ending, a death and the pattern goes on. I struggle with the changes. I feel broken and near tears. So worn out and tired. I need this time to renew, to be restrengthened in the Christ child. I'm weary, as I think of Mother in the nursing home. Her feelings of "this is the end". I've taken that burden on my own heart and it saddens me as I have no real idea of the place she is in mentally, that inner sanctum with a mind dealing with Alzheimer's. The fear, the dread of what it is doing to her hurts my heart as I react in my own limited understanding. I am finding it hard to spend time with her. My own physcial well being is compromised with back spasms, faulty memory, depression. I long to be the girl I once was with the joy and enthusiam for live and each day, each month something to celebrate. I was never one much for New Year, but it was sad thinking of the old years ending, a passing away and just a memory. Others look forward to the day as new beginnings. The glass half full half empty scenerio. Makes me wonder why I want to cling to the past as one can never get it back. This year coming I want to concentrate on renewel. On looking forward. I pray for change of heart and courage. Dr. Robert Schuller once said, "Don't just sit there; do something!" I chuckled at his saying and thinking of how quirky it sounded, but as I heard the message repeated with just that one phrase, it has sunk deeply in my mind and soul and I wonder, "Just what am I doing? Am I just sitting here? Will it happen if I don't put forth any effort? How do I keep myself from losing sight of my goals? My memory is not so good when everyday life pops in. Good intentions are not enough. I MUST DO SOMETHING to change the who I don't like in me. I must surrender myself to God, find His will and do His bidding. At times I search not hearing or seeing an answer. As Jill says I must know the next right action. Hard for me to determine. I feel like I don't know what I am doing. Just adrift. Right now, I have no answers except to say I trust God will give me the rhyme and reason for my remaining years. I'm at a crossroad. I have no job and no dicernable prospects of what type of job I am to do. While I wait on the Lord, I must find a way to get my house in order. I need a plan and I need to stick to it. Facts:
#1 I have Mom in the nursing home. She still needs my love and care.
#2 I have to get my health to an acceptable level to be able to serve God and my family.
A. Lose weight
B. Exercise
C. Fresh air and sunshine
#3 Which should be #1. My time in prayer to God and church. Be prepared to meet that
commitment at a #1 level.
#4 Rise and retire the same time everyday. 10 pm bed ~ 6 am rise
#5 First of everything belongs to God.
#6. The world is God's concern, I'm to take care of my corner to His specifications: ie: teach
Kasey God's word, take care of the home and keep it clean, yard work and growing
vegetables.
#7. Job wise, the stock market.
#8. Plan and organize these activities.

Kasey is awake. It's 11 am. Time to begin and I'm already off schedule But I am going to keep this everyday. That is my resolution for the New Year. Plan and do. Write a list.
This is the day the Lord has made let us rejoice and be glad.